On May 22 2009 I was out at wunderground looking at the forecast and noticed something really scary. See if you can spot it.

May 22, 2009 Rise: Set:
Actual Time 5:50 AM EDT 8:20 PM EDT
Civil Twilight 5:19 AM EDT 8:51 PM EDT
Nautical Twilight 4:41 AM EDT 9:29 PM EDT
Astronomical Twilight 3:59 AM EDT 10:11 PM EDT
Moon 4:03 AM EDT 6:38 PM EDT
Length Of Visible Light: 15h 31m
Length of Day
14h 30m
Tomorrow will be 1m 30s longer.

Tomorrow will be 1.5 minutes longer!?!??!

Well, I quickly put together a computer model and discovered that before long,
if this trend continued, days could be weeks long.

I checked back the next day and sure enough the day was longer and the next
day was forecasted to be longer too. Oh my gosh.

Well, I tracked it for several weeks then saw my predictions weren’t matching
the outcome. Days were not becoming more than 24 hours long.

I saw my mistake. Nights were getting shorter in the same amount!

So I modified my model.

And I discovered that before long there would be no night at all!

This was terrible. All nocturnal life would be threatened.

I tracked the data for some weeks afterward and, while the days did not progress at
the rate I expected, I attributed this to random fluctuations in an
extremely complex system.

At its core, I know my model is sound. After all, I run it on a super computer.

We must act NOW to prevent this catastrophe. I contend that this phenomenon
of global spinning is a product of people walking more forcefully when they go
westward than when they go eastward. I’ve commissioned a study and found that
many houses have doors facing westward and people leave their houses
energetically in the mornings and return more wilted in the evening.

I propose, nay demand, a moratorium on building any houses with west facing
doors. East is best. Or towards the equator, if east is really too hard, but
you’ll need a gov’t waiver for that.

Won’t you please join this effort?

For the children…